I'm Still Here

In 2008 Joaquin Phoenix announced his retirement from acting, and indicated he was going to pursue a career in rapping. For me, it was a bit of a shocking moment but honestly, I didn't give it much thought. Actors are a strange bunch, and people are even more weird. If he wanted to pursue a dream of having a career in song, then so be it; he wouldn't be the first actor to at least moonlight in the music industry. I would also assume that he's made mad cash and could live comfortably off his box office scores, which is also fine. You have to do what you're passionate about, and if you lose the passions in acting and can walk away, then walk away.

Things got weird though, and I think the moment that most people took notice of was his appearance on Letterman. It was really strange, and a bit of a wake up call for people: Joaquin has lost his mind. Again, you just think it's typical of people in the spotlight, and things could be much worse. During this whole time, there were rumours that it was all an act, and I certainly considered that at the time but again, I just didn't care enough to devote any real thought to it.

A few years later and he's back in the lime light with the release of a "documentary" directed by his friend, Casey Affleck. It chronicles Joaquin's journey from retirement into his career in hip-hop, as well as his seemingly downwards spiral into insanity. The film is pretty interesting, and through most of it I was still deciding on whether it was real or not; the bug is in your ear and you have to second guess it all the time. Would this actor really perform this role for so long, just to produce this small documentary? Would he throw away his career to do so?

The film is absolutely littered with celebrities; their reactions to his retirement captured on screen, some of them getting into fights with him and other providing incredibly scripted advice to him. At some points you really feel for Joaquin: he's so incredibly passionate about his new career, and so driven. He really wants to succeed, but it all comes at a cost as he distances himself from his closest friends, treating them like garbage in some cases. The ironic thing is that he is completely terrible. Every time he takes the stage and does his act, you cringe with embarrassment. It's pretty easy to see how somebody could become delusional when they are surrounded by yes-men, and have the money to make things move. We see him unravel as the truth creeps up: his hair and beard grow with dastardly insanity, and his behaviour increases to the despicable. Joaquin plays a twisted version of himself, and does so very well.

When you step back and realize that this is all staged, you can't help but be somewhat impressed. It seems some people are upset when they discover it is a "hoax" while others are quick to point out the commentary of it all, that what he did was play the media, and the people who blindly believe anything they see on television or in the movies. Was Letterman in on it? The film is littered with real newscasts with speculation on just what Joaquin is up to, and the rumours of hoax are there from the beginning.

To me though, it all comes down to what Phoenix says in the very beginning. It's a rant of sorts, but it has truth. To paraphrase, he says he's tired of acting because he's not actually creating something: he's making other people creations come to life, but is merely a helper in it all. He's not an artist. And to be an artist, you have to create something, something to call your own entirely. And that's exactly what he's done here. Sure, it may have been a financial ruin, and it could have damaged his reputation in Hollywood for a while (is he doing any more movies now?) but he can rest easy at night knowing that he has created, he has expressed himself and people have taken notice. That's incredibly empowering.