Dredd

If you are like most people, you probably groaned and laughed a bit when you first saw the teaser for the (now released) Dredd 3D movie. As if they were remaking the atrocious Stallone film, you may think to yourself. Has Hollywood run out of ideas, you ask? Unlike most people though, I got excited. I'm not sure if it's because I have a genuine interest in "remakes" or that I actually enjoyed Judge Dredd back in the day and I would revisit the film a couple of years ago to confirm that it's still decent and worth a watch. I believe it's moreso the fact that I enjoy the character and mythos has to contribute to a modern day sci-fi action movie: a post-apocalyptic world where only one city exists, where crime is completely out of hand and the justice system has allowed Judge-class officers to act as judge, jury and executioner. All that being said, I've never read one of the comics, but I have a general sense of the series, the character of Judge Dredd and the tone, to a degree that I see how a proper movie could be good, if not great.

So like most people, you may still be bitter on the Stallone driven feature from 1995. Certainly, Hollywood was. So what we end up with is a non-Hollywood, independent film made by people who are passionate about the character and the lore, who want to make a great film. This is the type of thing that gets me excited for a remake. And you can't really call this a remake either, as in no way does it follow the same plot of the movie before. No, this movie is like a snapshot of the comic book. It picks up on just another day for Dredd - in this story he is training a rookie (who happens to have somewhat psychic abilities) on her first day, and things just go to hell. You always get the sense though that this sort of insanity happens on a day to day basis for judges like Dredd and for the people of Mega City One. He keeps his cool, uses his own training and just deals with the situation. The absurdity of the city, of the violence, of the over the top villains and thugs is lost on the inhabitants of the movie. As a watcher of this, you are shocked, almost amused at the ultra-violence dispatched upon criminals. There are no pretenses here and I love the film for that. I will only comment lightly on the plot: it's simple, effective and practically non-existent. The beauty of the movie is that the plot doesn't need to be anything more than what it is, which I believe is like a snapshot of a day in the life of Judge Dredd.

In an era where action movies are watered down for maximum box office dollars, it's nice to see a film that is not afraid to be what it is. Judge Dredd is a Hard R, for incredible amounts of gory violence, drug abuse and whatnot. It's practically refreshing to see something like this in the theatres, and it's another reminder that Dredd is an independent film, devoid of Hollywood influence. After the credits roll (and we did stay to see if anything was there: there is not) I feel a general angst against Hollywood. It's denied me great films through it's denial of genuine talent and passion for projects that could be great. The 1995 Judge Dredd ruined things for any type of franchise, although in a twist of irony it allowed this film to happen: apparently the rights to Dredd were going for cheap - nobody would touch it - and it was snapped up by those talented people who were passionate about the film. But the poor box office it has done means it will never likely see the sequel it deserves (somebody, even in independent films, has to turn a buck). Which is a real shame because there is a lot of potential here. There was no origin for Dredd presented here, and no real representation of the mythos of the world in the comics (I'm sure there were many bits lost on me, but would be picked up by fans of the series). But after reading numerous posts from fans, there are a lot of stories worth telling.

So I highly recommend going to see this film. Put the memory of the original film aside, and you will be pleasantly surprised. The effects are quite good, the action is enthralling and there is a perfect mix of humour thrown in. I've said it before and I'll always say it again: this movie is focused and engaging.

Piranha 3DD

My friend was home already when I arrived - a rare occurrence with his new job - and I could see the grin on his face from outside. We were going through some movies the night before and stumbled upon the new Piranha movie, and knew then that it was available for viewing. Immediately I supposed that his mind was going through how he was going to see this movie. Two years previous he brought his wife to the theatre for the first one (in 3D) and she was horrified. Not by the "horror" aspect of it, I'm sure, but more of the extreme gratuitous shots of naked women and the shameless level of tongue-in-cheek vulgarity present throughout the running time. But mainly the women: it was pretty ridiculous. So there was no chance of him being able to see the second one when she was around (they watch everything together).

It was as if the stars aligned though, not twenty four hours later. His wife was staying with her mother, and he was not obligated to be with her. My other friend's girlfriend was also away, out of town, leaving the house void of women. He knew this, and anticipated it throughout the day. The first thing he asks is: do we watch it now, or later (that evening)? Regardless of when, it happened and yes, it was incredibly terrible (yet incredibly funny).

I wrote about the predecessor a while back, and the way I read it is in a fairly negative tone. I mean, it is a bad movie, but I did watch again with Nathan a few weeks after the first time and must say, enjoyed it more. Perhaps this happens because it has my full, undivided attention. When you're watching a movie with a friend, that is what you are doing. You are not watching the movie and browsing your phone at the same time. You are not watching and making dinner in another room. Together, you can laugh about the shenanigans onscreen; it's social, and the movie is better for it. It also helps that the original was firmly tongue-in-cheek, the sequel has even less shame and is may be trying to be something it's not, which is to say it's trying to be like the original but falls flat on its face.

So it's quite terrible (in a way) that Piranha 3D looks like a cinematic masterpiece complete with acting, plot, suspense and humour compared to Piranha 3DD, which lacks all of the above. The effects are worse, the thrills are cheap (and predictable) and the movie in general lacks any kind of coherency. You wouldn't think it needs to, but apparently Piranha 3D set the bar (relatively) high for a sequel. All that being said, the movie provided some good, cheap laughs, a sense of disbelief and satisfaction that we could go on with our lives.

IMDB Ratings

Just wanted to bring to your attention a new link on the upper right side of the page (underneath Home). It's "IMDB Movie Ratings" and will take you to my ratings list on - you guessed it - IMDB.

I've neglected creating an account there for years, for no good reason. But a few months ago I registered and started adding movies to my watchlist (something I will make public and add soon as well). You may recall that I was trying to keep track of all the movies I've seen, with varying levels of success. The problem with the old manual system I was using (a spreadsheet) was that it was indeed, manual. I would forget to do it, I would neglect it often and I just lost interest. Enter the IMDB app on the iPhone and updating that list is incredibly simple. I realized this after noticing that I check out the trivia and IMDB page for every movie I see shortly after seeing it: one more click and it's there.

So you will see my ratings, and it's nice format: searchable, sortable and full of data. There are not many right now, but I will add them as I see movies: I'm not too keen on going back to rate the thousands of movies I've seen over the past thirty years, but I may get bored.

Also, don't read too much into the numerical ratings. I've stayed away from them on The Chronicles and will continue to do so. If you want the scoop read my take on it, because a 7/10 for one movie could be entirely different than a 7/10 for another. Enjoy!

Fan Expo 2012

A fear washed over me. My forehead broke into a cold sweat. I checked blind spots repeatedly, made verbalization that made no sense that would confuse linguists. Indeed, I had made a left turn into a streetcar lane, which quickly became elevated. The street below felt like miles. Partially, I was in awe: I was driving where no man had gone before, where only streetcars had traversed before. Then reality hit as I checked my rear view mirror and saw a car directly behind me. Probably another tourist, who had followed me onto this railed path of madness. I wasn't entirely sure what to do, although there were very few options. The car following took the lead and leaped off the track onto the civilian road below. The only option had presented itself. I yelled for Cale to hold on, that this was going to happen and it played out just as expected. We hit the road below, bottoming out the car and hearing awful noises from below. But we were safe now. I can only imagine what the locals were thinking, and the only thing to do now was to drive past the shame.

Cale has done a good job of writing up the car incident, as well as the day we attended Fan Expo in 2011. He's right - although he throws in some fiction (I'll leave the what up to you to decide) - that I was flustered throughout the day. Something was off, but I couldn't quite pin what it was. Perhaps it was the crowds. 2012's Fan Expo this past weekend was no different. You have to fight your way through aisles of people to get anywhere; if you stand still for any period of time you were going to be knocked about and lost. And perhaps it was the mass consumerism that was taking place. In years gone by the crowds were less and the items more unique. Now, in today's market, you can find anything online and cheaper than anywhere on the show floor. All the colourful and unique merchandise fails to impress as its mass-produced and high availability reminds me of being in a supersized warehouse store of geek items that flashed the horror of going to Wal-Mart during the weekend across my face. The smell of many of the patrons certainly doesn't help the nauseating experience.

The show is changing; Cale and I have been going for quite a while now and quite frankly, it's becoming a big deal. They didn't used to have a lot of support from major companies, but now it's not uncommon to see a massive, official, DC Comics footprint and media extravaganzas for movies, television shows and video games. At this year's Expo, there was a gigantic Halo 4 area and major representation from Ubisoft. We saw the Wii U in play (and was floored by how big that controller was). The artist alley has shrunk, as has the celebrity signing area. All your favourite vendors are there peddling their goods, and even that becomes tired. Year after year they bring the same things, and the discounts do not run nearly as deep. Indeed, most can only offer "US cover price" which is not a deal at all. I can imagine the cost for them to be there is increasing, and less people would be buying as they spend more time at celebrity Q&A sessions, movie premieres and costume parties. Physically, space wise, the Fan Expo needs more. That could help the experience of browsing the floor that much better, I think.

Last year I bought a few comics (the Knightfall series) and practically had to force myself to make it happen. 2011 was the year that Fan Expo broke me, but 2012 I was better prepared. Actually I wasn't, in some respect. I wanted to go in with a list of comics to get - because there are still deals for comics - but just couldn't get around to it. I wanted to work towards a collection (for instance Amazing Spider-Man #300 to #400) but just didn't prepare myself beforehand. Having the list in the cloud on my Google Drive didn't help as we could barely get a cell signal - too many in a small area, I suppose. So it's my own fault, really. But this year I was mentally prepared for that, although the crowds still wore me down very quickly. I wanted more comic book vendors, but instead we got bombarded with large, corporate driven displays. I imagine "the" Comic-Con is very similar to this, where major things are being announced for Hollywood, and the day of the individual comic book draws near.

So I bought one thing: V for Vendetta (collected trade paperback of course) for less than anywhere I've seen before. I got excited, and am excited to read it, as it's been on "the list" for quite some time. But that's it, and I'm completely satisfied. Next year, perhaps, I will be better prepared and be able to pick up some comics to flesh out my collection. I'm sure you're thinking that I'm insane, as I've pretty much been slamming this event and just doing an about-face now to say I enjoyed it, but it's true. Last year I was caught off guard and was flustered, but this year I enjoyed taking in the madness. There was lots to see and experience, and the event has transcended the actual Expo itself. It's about the time before and after, the drive, the conversation and the time spent with a good friend. Where once it was just a day trip, it has turned into a weekend event (Cale and I no longer live in the same city).

This is annual pilgrimage that I've always been after; the tradition was not forced, it just happened. And I look forward to it every time.

The Great Music Collection, part four: The Aftermath

It's now been months since I first imported my collection into iTunes and really embraced the ecosystem. After months of use, the import has proven successful: the data is clean, the albums are organized and it is an actually joy to work with. Never did I believe you would hear that from me in regards to iTunes. That's not to say the software isn't without it's problems, as the software can be slow, sluggish and a pest with it's need to update all the time. But the initial setup and planning has paid off: I have the Core playlist which syncs with my iPod, and podcast episodes are individually chosen. Subscriptions to podcasts are all setup and download automatically all the time (although iTunes seems to forget the odd one).

One of the goals I had was to have the entire music library available through Subsonic, which runs off my server/HTPC that is always powered on (the desktop housing iTunes is not always on). The previous folder structure I had was good for Subsonic, but iTunes' structure is even better. Folders for artists, then folders for each album inside. I simply copied the entire iTunes music folder onto the server and pointed Subsonic at it: everything worked as expected, and as a bonus I get a simple mirror backup of my music. Now, that was good for a while, but I rarely use Subsonic anymore, as work and life don't really permit me to do so. I don't have a big need for it, so the service has been turned off (as has the server most days).

The other program that requires access to music is XBMC, which I do use regularly. The good news is that XBMC is pretty flexible but benefits greatly from the Artist - Album folder structure that iTunes utilizes. Once the collection was copied over it was very easy to start listening to music, but I noticed something: album art. iTunes stores the album art in it's database, and XBMC (as well as Subsonic) look for local images. The classic "folder.jpg" is widely accepted and used by those these two programs. Previously, I had this setup and all my albums had nice cover art displayed, so it meant that I had to re-insert those files into the appropriate iTunes folder. The major danger here being that iTunes could do anything to that folder and erase any files its not responsible for. But I figure that won't happen often enough to worry about, as each album is imported and tagged with care: further modifications should not be necessary.

I actually found a script somebody wrote that did exactly what I needed automatically. The script would go through the iTunes database and extract the album art and place it in the right folder with the proper naming. This worked for the most part, but I wanted to ensure every album was done properly, so I double-checked and downloaded new art as appropriate. Anytime a new album has been imported, I just download the art (Google Image search of course) and place in the folder. Importing an album or two at a time is a painless operation now.

What happens now though in XBMC is the absence of thumbnails while you are browsing artists. This is harder to resolve than the album art although it's tackled in much the same way, by placing a folder.jpg of the artist in the folder. Album art is fairly standardized: they're squares. Photos of artists are not, and when you search for one you will get a variety of results in different resolutions and dimensions. The secret may be to actually modify images and make them as square as possible. XBMC does like portrait style though, although Subsonic does not. I probably got through 20% of my collection before giving up on this little project; I've just simply neglected it in the past few months but keep meaning to return to it.

The other issue centers on new albums to the collection. While my iTunes workflow is solid, and process of getting that new album onto the server for XBMC is lacking. At first, I thought I would simply just copy the new folder over, but I keep forgetting. What results is fragmentation and just simply a lack of music. Every few months I could copy the entire folder over but that's inefficient. I know where the problem is, and it's me. The only solution is to make copying that folder over a part of the iTunes process. The other solution (and really the better one) would be to keep the iTunes library on the server itself. I'm not sure if I went into any detail before regarding my computer setup, but it has proven to be less than ideal for this.

It is weird to think - for me - that this solution is still working. It's working nearly exactly as planned, and I'll say it again: proper planning pays off in the long run. The next step will be to import the rest of the collection: many of the albums from "Albums B" that I rarely, if ever, listen to. With proper tagging, and use of playlists, they can sit in the main library and simply be accessible. I've already setup smart playlists to make music from different years and genre's readily available, as well as newly imported music. I may dabble in ratings again, and see what else is available for me to further organize this "great" music collection.

Total Recall (2012)

Never did I think that we would have to slap a tacky looking (year) onto one of the greatest sci-fi/action movies of all time. But a couple of years ago the announcement was made; fast forward to now and here we are, with a brand new shiny remake of Arnold's romp through his mind and Mars. After the announcement, would come a trailer, and this is where the true resistence was felt. For hours (or perhaps just minutes) my friends and I spoke about the merits of a remake, and about how old we were getting (that Total Recall really is that old). My friends were dubious about a remake: the film would be sacrilegious and an atrocity affronted to all humankind, but I took a slightly different approach. Perhaps it's fueled by indifference, but I can appreciate re imaginings, reinterpretations and modern updates. I appreciate that what I have loved is loved enough that they want to modernize it for today's youth, and I'm fascinated to see the results. The existence of a remake - good or bad - doesn't sully the original for me; if anything, it will just enhance it further.

As I said before, I'm typically indifferent. While I watched the trailer for the new Total Recall I felt a twinge of excitement, and I can tell you the exact scene: it's when he (Quaid) steps out on the balcony and the camera pans around to show the city around him in all its sci-fi glory. It was a thing of beauty, as you could tell (from these few short seconds) that some time and effort went into its creation. I was excited for modern special effects to deliver me a stunning view of the future, something which I feel has been lacking in other science fiction movies. Indeed, most other sci-fi films are sent on other worlds, in space or otherwise unrecognizable areas. The original Total Recall used the concrete backdrop of Mexico City to give us a glimpse into a "modern" and futuristic version of America. Move forward to this remake, and the cityscape is (completely rendered and) very detailed, but strikes more than a passing similarity to the world of Blade Runner. Indeed, I felt like we could see Deckard running after some replicants in the background. When the film moves into the second act we're transported to The Fifth Element, complete with flying cars and vertically staggering cities.

In this future, there are only two countries left, one of which is the United Federation of Britain. What I love about this one (and this is the one that looks like The Fifth Element) is that it builds upon the original city. They've effectively built a floating city on top of the old one, where cars still drive with rubber tires to the road. The other country is The Colony - in Australia - and effectively takes the place of Mars from the original movie. I guess they just didn't have time to fit a planet into the plot here, and I must say it's not necessarily for the worst action-wise. It is kind of confusing for the motivations of the characters though.

And that's where things fall apart - if you let it get to you. I just don't know why Cohaagen is allowed to be so evil here: when he was out to screw Mars it made sense: it's another planet akin to the wild west, where corporations do as they please. On Earth, things are just a bit too close to home. But that's where the complaints (generally) end: the rest of the movie was fun, full of action and attractive women, and even a third breast for all us fans of the original.

I walked out of the theatre asking myself why they just don't make a shot for shot remake like they did for Psycho. Why bother messing with things that were fine to begin with? And this is really a remake more than anything else - you can't get away with calling it a reboot (like The Amazing Spider-Man). This is all perfectly good; the movie surpassed expectations. Admittedly they weren't that high to begin with, and I'm certainly aware that I'll never see this version ever again. I'll always go back to Arnold for my Total Recall fix and I hope that people who are being introduced to the world now can look back and see that version - and appreciate it. And oddly enough, the older version was the more cerebral of the two, who knew?

Tiny Tower: Completed

In no way could I tell you when I actually started playing this game: my first post is dated September 14, 2011, so I'll just say it's been a year. It's been an addicting run, and where my friends "failed" I built on, surpassing 100 floors in a relative short period of time. The floors just kept piling up, and the time it took to build them increased exponentially. Earlier this year my playtime would decrease, stall to a near halt. I don't know how the citizens of my tower put up with me, but they were glad they did, as I attacked the game aggressively and built into the heavens as no man should.

When you are building so high, so many floors it takes millions of dollars per floor and days to create it. What really frustrated me was building a retail store - for instance - then not being able to staff it because the apartment floor would take me days to build (days to collect the money then days to wait for it to build). So I took out a new approach: save up enough money to build all eight floors at once. The idea was so sound and innovative that architects around the world gasped with joy. So I begin saving money, and it took weeks to get enough for eight floors. But boy, when I did build them all, it was heaven.

I also became loose with bux (in game super-money) to fill slots in the apartments, so that I could place people in the new stores immediately. I would evaluate citizens and freely eject them from the tower if they did not perform well. It took quite a bit of time but it was very fulfilling: spending the effort to do things properly. I chose eight because it works perfectly: three apartments give you fifteen people. Each store staffs three people, so five stores requires fifteen employees. So eight floors is perfect. I did this for a short time (ie months) until I hit the limit.

Not my mental limit, but the height limit on the tower. I didn't think it was possible. But let me explain: you can continue to build floors, but they will remain empty. There are only so many apartments you can build, or so many retail stores available. Once they are all gone, your tower is as good as done - but you can keep going skyward all you like (as far as I know).

And the game was over. With no reason to play anymore, I went looking for others to fill the void, but I know now that will never come to pass. It's been a solid year with this Tiny Tower that has become oh-so-big. There was a blip of hope as well in the form of a software update advertising more floors. But they only added eight: one for each type. I built those quickly and easily, then let the game die again.

Sure, there are other goals that I could come back for, like making sure every person is in their dream job, or completing the missions, but those tasks feel somewhat empty. This game, this way of life as it were - will be fondly remembered.

Here are a few stats on my tower at time of completion.

• 169 floors: 106 retail and 63 residential
• 315 bitizens
• 271 dream jobs (that's 86% dream job rate)
• 46 missions completed
• Retail floors are in descending alphabetical order (as are apartments, which are all on the upper floors)
• 419 tower bux
• 4,267 unread Bitbook messages

The Avengers

Well look at this, a few weeks go by and I totally forgot about seeing The Avengers in theatres. That is not to mean though, that the movie was bad. It was actually quite good. If anything, it shows that Marvel has really hit the perfect formula that was shown earlier with Iron Man. They've had a good run since, as well, with decent turnouts for Thor and Captain America, each of which has been hinting and leading up to the inevitable Avengers film, which landed just a month or so ago. And it landed huge. This movie is blowing apart box office records and just bringing in tons of cash - Avatar style. All of this, plus the incredible ratings - 93% on Rotten Tomatoes at the moment - confirm that the formula is sound and worth repeating. I expect that all characters in the film have their respective sequels in the works, along with new franchises starting for Hawkeye and Black Widow, among others.

So in the same way that I enjoyed Iron Man, I enjoyed The Avengers and then some. It strikes a good balance of action, story, humour and whatever else is necessary for saying the movie is good. It doesn't matter: the movie is fun. While I struck out against the movie earlier, my predictions weren't entirely inaccurate: the movie is somewhat predictable, but that's not a problem. We get quick back stories for some of the heroes, with the Hulk getting by far the most - it's been noted he's the real star of the film and yeah, he's definitely a fan favourite for good reason. We don't get much on the others simply because we've just been inundated with their movies recently. It's alright though: the previous movies met their goal of bringing these characters (arguably back) into the public consciousnesses admirably.

Poor Captain America wanders around lost most of the movie, and it becomes quite clear he's the "weakest" of the bunch. This has always been a problem though; it's like Batman when he's with the Justice League. If you can't fly you're kind of a hindrance, and ol' Cap shows his leadership on the streets and his hard ethics when he spars with the like of man-boys Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. Everybody else gets equal screen time, an admiral feat upon itself for so many stars. Then we get in the villains, which serve their purpose, although those giant flying worm things were entirely way too close to Transformers. 


So really, I can't say much else about the movie. It's not for lack of disliking it. I just can't quite put my finger on it: the movie runs the line perfectly, not really standing out in either direction. Like I said before, they really hit the formula here and put the right people on the job. There is nothing about this movie that is offensive, or even worth complaining about. On the other end, there is nothing that really made me sit forward in my seat and shake my legs with excitement. Just an all round, really solid film that was a lot of fun. I would say you should go see it, but judging by the box office, you've already done it a couple of times already. 

Television Shows of Late

I figured I would mix things up a bit and let you know what I've been watching lately. And provide some short, uninsightful thoughts on them.

Fringe

Every time a season of Fringe airs, I don't watch it. I have them all queued up and about halfway through the airing, I'll begin watching. I'm not sure where the hesitation stems from, because the show is fantastic. I'm really digging the current season (or the last, I guess), where [spoilers] Peter is vanquished from reality (and everyone's memories) and comes back mysteriously. Lots of guest spots from Observers, cool monsters and sci-fi mysteries. There was concern the show was being cancelled, but we have another (final) season in the pipe. Plenty of time for the writers to wrap things up.

Breaking Bad

I should watch season four before the new season starts, so I'm a few episodes in now. Really brilliant stuff, although again, I'm hesitant to start watching. This show stresses me out a bit, and I think that's the goal. They've done a really great job here, and I'm eager to see what mess Walter and Jesse can get themselves into by the end of the season.

The Office

After the last season ended (and it was not a good season) I was in the mood for a short, light comedy. I burned through some other shows and came back to The Office again, and yeah, it was really great back then. The Jim and Pam dynamic is fantastic, ending the second season. I'm sure it will get bad and I'll lose interest, but for now it's a great show to just pop on.

Happy Endings

This is a really great show; I just started the second season. The characters are well acted and sharply written, and I haven't come across an episode that is unbearable. Plus, Elisha Cuthbert.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

You would think that with so much free time, I would really tackle this show in the same way I went through The Next Generation. Evidently, this is not the case. I watch perhaps one, two episodes per week now. Each episode is worse than the previous, and I can't pay attention to save my life. Just...terrible. I'm halfway through the second season. I'm told it gets better, but I'm not sure I can make it that far.

Dark Shadows

Listen, I'm a fan of Tim Burton. There was a time when I would gobble up any movie he brought out. That's perhaps a lie: I didn't eagerly go see his remake of Planet of the Apes. In fact, I'm not sure how many I've gone to see in the theatre: they seem to be consumed at home more often than not. Alright, that being said, I'm still a big fan of his movies, or at least, the older ones: 1988 through 1999 were very good years for him.

Tim Burton and Johnny Depp teaming up is not exactly news, as they've done quite a few films together, so I'm not entirely sure why I was excited for Dark Shadows. It's based on an old soap opera - seriously? - from the '70's that I've never heard of and have no interest in. The previews looked decent enough though, and Burton does gothic pretty well. Perhaps I was excited as well because there wasn't much else in theatres - this was a week or so before The Avengers came out and the torrent of summer movies were being released. The preview showed some promise though, which made watching the movie so unbearable.

The core of the issue with Dark Shadows is that it's disjointed, and perhaps for the first time I've used that word, it couldn't be any more true. This film doesn't know what it wants to be. It starts out really well, as the movie is giving us some background information on Barnabas and how he becomes a vampire, back in the 1700's. This is where Burton is at his finest: the mood, atmosphere, acting and all that are great. It reminds me of Sleepy Hollow (one of my favourites). Then we fast forward to the 1970s where the film "begins" so to speak. We're introduced to some people who don't get fully developed, and multiple story lines and themes that jump jarringly from one to another.

For instance, Barnabas comes back, and he's a fish out of water: you get the standard jokes as we experience Barnabas dealing with technology and culture. He comes out of the woods and onto a paved road, and mistakes a car's headlights for a demon or something, and it's funny. I get it. Then things get serious as the witch (Eva Green - beautiful as always) who turned Barnabas into a vampire, turns out to be running a competing fishing company - the business that gave Barnabas his fortune and whatnot. So he wants to fight back and regain the town, so to speak. And we're treating to this montage of him fixing up the old family business, and all of a sudden I have no idea what I'm watching. What about his reincarnated love from hundreds of years ago? No, she takes a backseat and barely makes an appearance again, even though she was based prominently before.

I read a review after seeing the movie that had an excellent point: for most viewers, the '70s were long ago: for me, they didn't even exist. The 1700's are also long ago. So you have Barnabas, who travels forward in time, and the audience, who is travelling back in time. It's jarring for both parties. You - the viewer - are being forced to see through Barnabas' point of view: it's fine to adjust with one time warp, but to have two is too much, and nobody else except the audience is being forced to travel twice. It takes you out of the movie at all times, and even that much harder to relate to Barnabas.

It's a comedy, then it's a horror. Then it's something else that doesn't make any sense. We get romantic story lines that are confusing, backwards characters and a finale so full of action and nonsense that it just doesn't fit with the rest of the film. It was quite bad - and disappointing.